There is speculation that recent murder of gay mayoral candidate Marco McMillan in Mississippi might have have been caused due to gay panic.
So Buzzfeed examines the phenomenon and the legal tango of "gay panic."
I don't want to rush to judgement but it seems to me that this horrific crime may have involved I.O.I. Although we don't know the sexual orientation of the murderer, the way that he was killed (severely beaten and burned) may suggest that the murderer was really disturbed about having sexual intimacy and went through extreme gay panic.
Please read the article here. I will be addressing gay panic in a bit, I am just waiting to see how this murder case develops and if I.O.I and gay panic were actually involved.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
I have sex with straight men, my story
This is our first post for this blog and I am glad to have started it. I want assure you that this blog is a serious attempt in understanding this phenomenon. But first I would like to briefly reflect on my sexual experiences with straight men.
Almost all of my experiences have been with Latino men, usually of Mexican origin and so my experience may be somewhat limited since the non-Latino world has a very vague understanding on male homosexual sex and activity. Although you might say to yourself how can a man "call himself" straight when he is screwing around with me. Well, I'll address that question later on in several posts by introducing a name to this phenomenon: inter-orientation intimacy. You will find that male sexuality is quite frankly not that vague and almost pretty easy to understand and sometimes predict, but bare with me.
My first sexual experience with a man was when I was in high school and, of course, it was with a straight male named Marco. He had girlfriends, he was a known womanizer. He was pretty handsome as well, and very athletic. Him and I were both on the soccer team the year I lost my virginity to a man. By now I've known that I am gay and my sexual orientation was gay and that I prefer men. I did have a little attraction towards him, not as much. I actually had a crush on another guy named Jerry who later became my my first boyfriend during my senior year, that is when I came out to all my friends and Jerry kinda backtracked a little and said he was bi. And to prove it he had sex with a girl who then got pregnant. I still could not understand why he did that, it wasn't easy to handle the fact that my first boyfriend was also cheating on me with a girl but things did work out between us and we stayed together until his death due to a heart problem.
Marco was not on my radar until one day after soccer practice we ended up in my house to just hang out. We watched a little porn and then he asked me to give him oral sex. I've never done that before, I was pretty taken aback by his request. I asked myself: is he gay too? I could tell he was very hard and so I gave him what he wanted. A few weeks passed and I just couldn't get the thoughts about Marco and what I did to him out of my head. It was kind of exciting yet confusing. He was acting like nothing happened all throughout.
Then, it happened again. He was at my house, I popped in a porno and he got hard. This time he just got up and dropped his pants and sort of "forced" me (though I willingly complied) to give him oral sex again, and without saying anything much. But then he stopped and he told me to get up because he was going to fuck me. I did what he told me. I was very scared. I knew right there and then that I was about to give up my virginity to a man, and later I came to realize a straight man. He penetrated me really hard and it did hurt at first. After we were done he said he needed to go, I said to wait. I leaned in to try and kiss him but he pushed me away. "I don't kiss fags," he said bluntly. I didn't really get it then. Then he asked me if I liked what he did to me, I said yes. He asked if I was a "bitch." I didn't know what he meant by that so I just said yes. He just nodded in agreement. "I knew you were a fag," and with that he headed for the door, but before heading out he told me not that tell anybody but then after a quick after thought he told me to go ahead and tell everybody that he fucked me with his huge dick. That even if I said that, people at school would not believe me because "fags are liars."
Reflecting back one can assume that this can be taken as homophobic sexual assault, yet I was willing to participate because I wanted to have sexual intimacy with a dude and he was very attractive and very cute. His asshole-ish attitude even made him more attractive. He dominated me and I was his bitch. I was his little bitch, and he was my master. I felt like a schoolgirl going after the hot jock, which I did - big mistake.
I pursued him. I wanted more from him and so, in short, I became a bitch stalker chasing after a straight jock. He finally knocked some sense into me, literally. Although he did beat me up, I didn't feel that it hurt as much as my confusion did. He told me to back off and not follow him anymore and that he felt creeped out by it. Today, I completely understand what he meant. I was a dumb gay bitch in heat. I should have known.
"I only like girls, dumb ass" I recalled him saying. And so in my head I imagined myself bravely standing up to this brute and asking right in his face: "Well if you like girls why did you make me suck you and why did you fuck me!" But it just remained as a pondering thought safely nestled in my head for me to digest and figure out. Though his resentment for my pursuit of his penis did make things awkward from then on he did slowly mend his feelings and anger and a few months after graduation he stopped by my house for a visit. We talked and then the porno came in. He got hard, but remained quiet. By this time he was now going steady with a girlfriend, who was a girl I knew from school.
My mouth ended up full with his straight guy meat in the end. But before that ever happened it was me who initiated and not him. I asked if he wanted to. He said he was fine, he was going to have sex (or at least planned to) with his girl, during this time Jerry and I were on the rocks due to his cheating on me with a girl.
It took some convincing on my part but Marco finally relented and took out his tool for me to service, which I happily did. But he laid out a condition: don't make a fuss about it. If I got "spicy" with him again he was going to give me a bigger beating than the one I received a few years back. That is when things started to unfold for me because a year before this particular encounter I've already had several other sexual encounters with straight guys (but in my mind at the time they were just "guys" as I was trying to figure this whole gay and straight thing). When he left my house that afternoon,which was the last time I was intimate with him, it finally started to make sense to me.
The last time I saw Marco was at the mall where he worked at a sporting retail store a few years back. We chatted for a while. By that time he had a couple of kids with another girl that he met. They were not married legally yet but they were living together. He told me that he was getting hit by the economy hard and the store was cutting his hours. During his break we chatted outside for a bit and asked me if could lend him some money, for which I did. His kid needed diapers and he was running a little short. After that he gave me the manly hand shake bump and haven't seen him since. He was very masculine, even as he was sort of breaking apart over his finances. But he was behaving like if we were about to have sex again, but in a more "talkative" sense instead of physical cues. This was our intimate moment. I knew that what he was sharing with me is something that I should not share with others (like our sexual past). It seems other people were not aware that he was having tough times, or they were probably like me, just not sharing something that does not need to be shared.
Since my first time with Marco I've had several more sexual intimate moments with straight men. But Marco stands out because that was the first guy that I ever had. One dude was a classmate at weight class in high school. I don't recall his name. But he was from Mexico and he had some limited English skills since he was taking ESL. One day during class I noticed that he was getting hard in his gym shorts. He knelt down on the floor so nobody would see. I got up from the bench press and I just looked at him for a bit in silence as he looked back at me.
Then he finally explained that he was banging this older chick and that he's been getting hard all day. I asked what they did. He gave me some of the details. Even being knelt down on the floor I can see his hard-on twitching as he remembered all the sex he had the night before. I understood, and like a wannabe doctor proscribing treatment I said that he needed to get sucked and that I would be glad to give it to him if he wanted to. He just looked at me. I thought he got mad, but being naive I didn't know you had to be more careful (as I will later on explain in other posts). He grabbed his hard crotch and signaled with his head towards the basketball gym, where the nearest bathrooms were. And so he quickly, but in a very sneaky fashion, got up and got to the door while I was telling the coach that we wanted to go to the bathroom. Coach mumbled something through the newspaper (sports section) that he reads every day while the tired students lift weights for an hour. I took that as a yes and we walked towards the gym, by now I didn't care if the Coach suspected of what we were up to. And the dude didn't care that his hardness was clearly visible while walking to the restroom with another dude. This scene should send red flags to any concerned government paid educator. But Coach was more into sports than educating.
We went in the restroom and locked the door. He pulled down his shorts and revealed his manhood as soon as I knelt down and opened my mouth he quickly grabbed a hold of my head and forced me to take his meat. With some struggle I did. This particular dude (whose name I don't recall anymore, and he's not in the yearbook for some odd reason) was memorable because he was so verbal and vocal. He kept calling out for Laura (I guess the lady he was banging). He kept calling me names in Spanish (like bitch, fag etc)... He was very sensual and masculine, although he did kind of looked like an innocent straight young man (unlike some Latino guys at school who were all gangsters or pretty boys or Jocks) he was very ahead of his time. Very mature and quiet, which is why I remember this event very clearly since I was taken by surprise by his outlandish reactions to my service of his tool. His finishing performance was quite a spectacle. He made all kinds of noises and grunts and faces I never seen a man do before, even Marco (well, I was only like 15 years old at the time and he was only my second). After we finished he thanked me (which was odd for me at the time), and back to weight class we went. His boner problem was cured for the meantime. We had another encounter a few month later at the showers after my soccer practice. For some reason he knew I was there and I was the last guy in the locker room and alone. My shower that day took a little while longer as I serviced his unshaven manhood. He was a little less intense that time, I guess he was getting over his hormones or he just got used to having great sexual experiences. Never knew what happened to him. After a year he just disappeared.
After him it was my friend Fernando from track. We were playing games and watching porn. Basically we repeated the experience I had with Marco. We did it a couple of times. He got married later on and is now raising a family back home in California.
Looking at my yearbook I can point to 16 straight guys (including Marco and Fernando, the gym dude was not in the yearbook, remember?) who played hanky panky with me. My boyfriend Jerry makes 17 and then there is this one other dude who I penetrated and topped who was obviously gay like me, his name is Tran. He was Asian. That makes 18. But 16 straight guys sure sounds like a lot.
All the guys who I have conveniently highlighted with a marker have their story to tell, most of those stories are not memorable and are pretty vague memories. One guy I blew in his car while he drove me home. A few other ones while watching porn. A couple were buzzed with liquor or beer. One other guy from the soccer team screwed me in an empty bus during a match. That was fun. I only still talk to one of them. All of them, after doing some facebook snooping, are either married, engaged to be married to women. More than half already have children. Pretty much they've all moved on to live happy fulfilled lives and I am very happy that it turned out good for them.
In college I only got to screw around with two straight guys named Micheal and Manuel. Micheal and I were both in theater and were rehearsing for a show. We were hanging out in the green room between rehearsals and were alone while I blew him. Manuel was one of the nicest, more level headed straight guys that I ever been with. He was very sweet and caring. I thought that he was gay. But he wasn't. Still, we got to mess around many times, and I attempted to sit on him once but he went flaccid so we only stuck to oral. But he was very caring, he was the only guy to really show appreciation for my "service." Not only would he buy my lunch but he would caress my face while I sucked him off. He was my classmate in English class where I met him, and then joined the theater where he met his then girlfriend and now wife. He was a very good friend and very compassionate as well. Tall, dark, and handsome. Though he did have a somewhat of a lazy eye he was very attractive. We would ride down Pacific Coast Highway in his convertible with the top down as we watch the sunset. Manuel was a very relaxed person and yet helpful. He even helped me raised money for a gay rights campaign at school. He proudly pinned a button labeling him an "ally" of the LGBT community. Though we did talk about gay rights and politics, I didn't want to question his sexuality until he brought it up during lunch at a pizza parlor. We were talking politics and the issue of gay rights came up again and he kept saying "gay people this and gay people that" "gay people should be allowed to marry" etc. This was sort of peculiar after I blew the guy twice already before that lunch date, I thought he should be saying "we" instead of "they or them."
"And bisexuals?" I interrupt during one of his mini lecture while he munched his pizza. But I raised my eyebrow as in "I mean you, Manuel." But he ignored it for a second and just said "and bisexuals too... yes the LGBT community" etc.
"What about you?" I bluntly asked. A brief pause and he just simply smiled at me. Then he explained as best as I can remember:
"Jose, we're just friends right? Look, I like how you suck me off and stuff, I think gay men give the best head. And that is fact. I am your guys' ally. I want to support your community because you guys shouldn't be getting shit just because you suck cock or want to marry each other. I feel like I am a part of your community but I am straight. I fantasize girls. Girls are sexy. But you don't like girls. And I don't like guys that way. I am straight but not narrow. I try things that please me. And getting head is pretty awesome. Any guy likes head, straight, gay or bi. If you were a straight guy you would understand how hard it is to find a perfect girl that you like and then have her suck you off the way you like. Some girls think that's dirty. One girl even told me that gay guys do that and she refused to blow me. But some girls have blown me, some were good, but not as good as gay guys. I guess... Its just a form of masturbation what I did with you. I hope you don't feel used (awww he's so sweet) because if you are tell me and we'll stop."
I responded that I didn't feel used at all and that I enjoyed sucking him off. He wanted to also make sure that he wasn't leading me on or playing with my feelings since he thought that there was a consensus that it was just me sucking him and that's it. We are friends but that is the line we have drawn.
"Perfect," I responded.
Manuel was the only straight to fully explained how he was feeling about a gay man sucking his prick. Others have also tried to open up but not as much as him. That is why I believed him when he said that he is comfortable with his sexuality as a straight man several times to others. He went to gay clubs, pride parades and attended some few meetings of the gay pride club on campus when I was the President of it. After college he graduated and went to another school. We kept in touch throughout the years but haven't talked for over two years now. He made a stint for political office. He opened his own business (but I am guessing he went broke and is now living with his in laws). He is raising a family and the last Facebook update (about a year ago) was a series of pics of him and his kids at Disneyland. He's such a family guy and a great dad to his kids. Those kids are going to grow up in a very loving household. I am jealous of his wife.
Manuel's case is pretty unique and it is the exception rather than the rule in "inter-orientation intimacy." For many years I have been involved with two straight guys from my old neighborhood. One caught me off guard and actually kissed me (the only straight guy to do this with me, I will explain about that later on another post). One was into extreme fetishism. But they were both going out with women and having lots of pussy. One of them got married and is now working for a bakery and is raising one kid, the other one is currently going steady with a girl but he really does not want any compromises. Though I thought that he might be gay and that all this pussy pounding is just for him to cover it up; I was wrong. He is not gay, but rather sexist and misogynistic. He's a sports guy. He loves screwing girls but that's about it. Both did have anal with me as well, but we mostly did oral.
At work I had various straight encounters. From co-workers to customers. I would estimate that at least 75 straight dudes have been to the realm of ecstasy with me. Things got heated and a bit out of control when I became a manager at a restaurant. But was able to handle it. Work is also another subject I will be discussing later. And once had a "three-way" with a straight couple. Since these stories are going to be used as examples for various topics on this subject I will save them for later. I don't want this post to be too long.
I've dated and had relationships with five gay/bi guys who gave me all wonderful memories, but since this blog is about straight guys those stories will only be dealt with when necessary for a topic or an issue.
Currently I'm not in a relationship with a gay/bi guy, but instead have had continued sexual encounters with two straight guys in my new home here in Arizona. So I will also be talking about these current experiences as well as new ones.
Almost all of my experiences have been with Latino men, usually of Mexican origin and so my experience may be somewhat limited since the non-Latino world has a very vague understanding on male homosexual sex and activity. Although you might say to yourself how can a man "call himself" straight when he is screwing around with me. Well, I'll address that question later on in several posts by introducing a name to this phenomenon: inter-orientation intimacy. You will find that male sexuality is quite frankly not that vague and almost pretty easy to understand and sometimes predict, but bare with me.
My first sexual experience with a man was when I was in high school and, of course, it was with a straight male named Marco. He had girlfriends, he was a known womanizer. He was pretty handsome as well, and very athletic. Him and I were both on the soccer team the year I lost my virginity to a man. By now I've known that I am gay and my sexual orientation was gay and that I prefer men. I did have a little attraction towards him, not as much. I actually had a crush on another guy named Jerry who later became my my first boyfriend during my senior year, that is when I came out to all my friends and Jerry kinda backtracked a little and said he was bi. And to prove it he had sex with a girl who then got pregnant. I still could not understand why he did that, it wasn't easy to handle the fact that my first boyfriend was also cheating on me with a girl but things did work out between us and we stayed together until his death due to a heart problem.
Marco was not on my radar until one day after soccer practice we ended up in my house to just hang out. We watched a little porn and then he asked me to give him oral sex. I've never done that before, I was pretty taken aback by his request. I asked myself: is he gay too? I could tell he was very hard and so I gave him what he wanted. A few weeks passed and I just couldn't get the thoughts about Marco and what I did to him out of my head. It was kind of exciting yet confusing. He was acting like nothing happened all throughout.
Then, it happened again. He was at my house, I popped in a porno and he got hard. This time he just got up and dropped his pants and sort of "forced" me (though I willingly complied) to give him oral sex again, and without saying anything much. But then he stopped and he told me to get up because he was going to fuck me. I did what he told me. I was very scared. I knew right there and then that I was about to give up my virginity to a man, and later I came to realize a straight man. He penetrated me really hard and it did hurt at first. After we were done he said he needed to go, I said to wait. I leaned in to try and kiss him but he pushed me away. "I don't kiss fags," he said bluntly. I didn't really get it then. Then he asked me if I liked what he did to me, I said yes. He asked if I was a "bitch." I didn't know what he meant by that so I just said yes. He just nodded in agreement. "I knew you were a fag," and with that he headed for the door, but before heading out he told me not that tell anybody but then after a quick after thought he told me to go ahead and tell everybody that he fucked me with his huge dick. That even if I said that, people at school would not believe me because "fags are liars."
Reflecting back one can assume that this can be taken as homophobic sexual assault, yet I was willing to participate because I wanted to have sexual intimacy with a dude and he was very attractive and very cute. His asshole-ish attitude even made him more attractive. He dominated me and I was his bitch. I was his little bitch, and he was my master. I felt like a schoolgirl going after the hot jock, which I did - big mistake.
I pursued him. I wanted more from him and so, in short, I became a bitch stalker chasing after a straight jock. He finally knocked some sense into me, literally. Although he did beat me up, I didn't feel that it hurt as much as my confusion did. He told me to back off and not follow him anymore and that he felt creeped out by it. Today, I completely understand what he meant. I was a dumb gay bitch in heat. I should have known.
"I only like girls, dumb ass" I recalled him saying. And so in my head I imagined myself bravely standing up to this brute and asking right in his face: "Well if you like girls why did you make me suck you and why did you fuck me!" But it just remained as a pondering thought safely nestled in my head for me to digest and figure out. Though his resentment for my pursuit of his penis did make things awkward from then on he did slowly mend his feelings and anger and a few months after graduation he stopped by my house for a visit. We talked and then the porno came in. He got hard, but remained quiet. By this time he was now going steady with a girlfriend, who was a girl I knew from school.
My mouth ended up full with his straight guy meat in the end. But before that ever happened it was me who initiated and not him. I asked if he wanted to. He said he was fine, he was going to have sex (or at least planned to) with his girl, during this time Jerry and I were on the rocks due to his cheating on me with a girl.
It took some convincing on my part but Marco finally relented and took out his tool for me to service, which I happily did. But he laid out a condition: don't make a fuss about it. If I got "spicy" with him again he was going to give me a bigger beating than the one I received a few years back. That is when things started to unfold for me because a year before this particular encounter I've already had several other sexual encounters with straight guys (but in my mind at the time they were just "guys" as I was trying to figure this whole gay and straight thing). When he left my house that afternoon,which was the last time I was intimate with him, it finally started to make sense to me.
The last time I saw Marco was at the mall where he worked at a sporting retail store a few years back. We chatted for a while. By that time he had a couple of kids with another girl that he met. They were not married legally yet but they were living together. He told me that he was getting hit by the economy hard and the store was cutting his hours. During his break we chatted outside for a bit and asked me if could lend him some money, for which I did. His kid needed diapers and he was running a little short. After that he gave me the manly hand shake bump and haven't seen him since. He was very masculine, even as he was sort of breaking apart over his finances. But he was behaving like if we were about to have sex again, but in a more "talkative" sense instead of physical cues. This was our intimate moment. I knew that what he was sharing with me is something that I should not share with others (like our sexual past). It seems other people were not aware that he was having tough times, or they were probably like me, just not sharing something that does not need to be shared.
Since my first time with Marco I've had several more sexual intimate moments with straight men. But Marco stands out because that was the first guy that I ever had. One dude was a classmate at weight class in high school. I don't recall his name. But he was from Mexico and he had some limited English skills since he was taking ESL. One day during class I noticed that he was getting hard in his gym shorts. He knelt down on the floor so nobody would see. I got up from the bench press and I just looked at him for a bit in silence as he looked back at me.
Then he finally explained that he was banging this older chick and that he's been getting hard all day. I asked what they did. He gave me some of the details. Even being knelt down on the floor I can see his hard-on twitching as he remembered all the sex he had the night before. I understood, and like a wannabe doctor proscribing treatment I said that he needed to get sucked and that I would be glad to give it to him if he wanted to. He just looked at me. I thought he got mad, but being naive I didn't know you had to be more careful (as I will later on explain in other posts). He grabbed his hard crotch and signaled with his head towards the basketball gym, where the nearest bathrooms were. And so he quickly, but in a very sneaky fashion, got up and got to the door while I was telling the coach that we wanted to go to the bathroom. Coach mumbled something through the newspaper (sports section) that he reads every day while the tired students lift weights for an hour. I took that as a yes and we walked towards the gym, by now I didn't care if the Coach suspected of what we were up to. And the dude didn't care that his hardness was clearly visible while walking to the restroom with another dude. This scene should send red flags to any concerned government paid educator. But Coach was more into sports than educating.
We went in the restroom and locked the door. He pulled down his shorts and revealed his manhood as soon as I knelt down and opened my mouth he quickly grabbed a hold of my head and forced me to take his meat. With some struggle I did. This particular dude (whose name I don't recall anymore, and he's not in the yearbook for some odd reason) was memorable because he was so verbal and vocal. He kept calling out for Laura (I guess the lady he was banging). He kept calling me names in Spanish (like bitch, fag etc)... He was very sensual and masculine, although he did kind of looked like an innocent straight young man (unlike some Latino guys at school who were all gangsters or pretty boys or Jocks) he was very ahead of his time. Very mature and quiet, which is why I remember this event very clearly since I was taken by surprise by his outlandish reactions to my service of his tool. His finishing performance was quite a spectacle. He made all kinds of noises and grunts and faces I never seen a man do before, even Marco (well, I was only like 15 years old at the time and he was only my second). After we finished he thanked me (which was odd for me at the time), and back to weight class we went. His boner problem was cured for the meantime. We had another encounter a few month later at the showers after my soccer practice. For some reason he knew I was there and I was the last guy in the locker room and alone. My shower that day took a little while longer as I serviced his unshaven manhood. He was a little less intense that time, I guess he was getting over his hormones or he just got used to having great sexual experiences. Never knew what happened to him. After a year he just disappeared.
After him it was my friend Fernando from track. We were playing games and watching porn. Basically we repeated the experience I had with Marco. We did it a couple of times. He got married later on and is now raising a family back home in California.
Looking at my yearbook I can point to 16 straight guys (including Marco and Fernando, the gym dude was not in the yearbook, remember?) who played hanky panky with me. My boyfriend Jerry makes 17 and then there is this one other dude who I penetrated and topped who was obviously gay like me, his name is Tran. He was Asian. That makes 18. But 16 straight guys sure sounds like a lot.
All the guys who I have conveniently highlighted with a marker have their story to tell, most of those stories are not memorable and are pretty vague memories. One guy I blew in his car while he drove me home. A few other ones while watching porn. A couple were buzzed with liquor or beer. One other guy from the soccer team screwed me in an empty bus during a match. That was fun. I only still talk to one of them. All of them, after doing some facebook snooping, are either married, engaged to be married to women. More than half already have children. Pretty much they've all moved on to live happy fulfilled lives and I am very happy that it turned out good for them.
In college I only got to screw around with two straight guys named Micheal and Manuel. Micheal and I were both in theater and were rehearsing for a show. We were hanging out in the green room between rehearsals and were alone while I blew him. Manuel was one of the nicest, more level headed straight guys that I ever been with. He was very sweet and caring. I thought that he was gay. But he wasn't. Still, we got to mess around many times, and I attempted to sit on him once but he went flaccid so we only stuck to oral. But he was very caring, he was the only guy to really show appreciation for my "service." Not only would he buy my lunch but he would caress my face while I sucked him off. He was my classmate in English class where I met him, and then joined the theater where he met his then girlfriend and now wife. He was a very good friend and very compassionate as well. Tall, dark, and handsome. Though he did have a somewhat of a lazy eye he was very attractive. We would ride down Pacific Coast Highway in his convertible with the top down as we watch the sunset. Manuel was a very relaxed person and yet helpful. He even helped me raised money for a gay rights campaign at school. He proudly pinned a button labeling him an "ally" of the LGBT community. Though we did talk about gay rights and politics, I didn't want to question his sexuality until he brought it up during lunch at a pizza parlor. We were talking politics and the issue of gay rights came up again and he kept saying "gay people this and gay people that" "gay people should be allowed to marry" etc. This was sort of peculiar after I blew the guy twice already before that lunch date, I thought he should be saying "we" instead of "they or them."
"And bisexuals?" I interrupt during one of his mini lecture while he munched his pizza. But I raised my eyebrow as in "I mean you, Manuel." But he ignored it for a second and just said "and bisexuals too... yes the LGBT community" etc.
"What about you?" I bluntly asked. A brief pause and he just simply smiled at me. Then he explained as best as I can remember:
"Jose, we're just friends right? Look, I like how you suck me off and stuff, I think gay men give the best head. And that is fact. I am your guys' ally. I want to support your community because you guys shouldn't be getting shit just because you suck cock or want to marry each other. I feel like I am a part of your community but I am straight. I fantasize girls. Girls are sexy. But you don't like girls. And I don't like guys that way. I am straight but not narrow. I try things that please me. And getting head is pretty awesome. Any guy likes head, straight, gay or bi. If you were a straight guy you would understand how hard it is to find a perfect girl that you like and then have her suck you off the way you like. Some girls think that's dirty. One girl even told me that gay guys do that and she refused to blow me. But some girls have blown me, some were good, but not as good as gay guys. I guess... Its just a form of masturbation what I did with you. I hope you don't feel used (awww he's so sweet) because if you are tell me and we'll stop."
I responded that I didn't feel used at all and that I enjoyed sucking him off. He wanted to also make sure that he wasn't leading me on or playing with my feelings since he thought that there was a consensus that it was just me sucking him and that's it. We are friends but that is the line we have drawn.
"Perfect," I responded.
Manuel was the only straight to fully explained how he was feeling about a gay man sucking his prick. Others have also tried to open up but not as much as him. That is why I believed him when he said that he is comfortable with his sexuality as a straight man several times to others. He went to gay clubs, pride parades and attended some few meetings of the gay pride club on campus when I was the President of it. After college he graduated and went to another school. We kept in touch throughout the years but haven't talked for over two years now. He made a stint for political office. He opened his own business (but I am guessing he went broke and is now living with his in laws). He is raising a family and the last Facebook update (about a year ago) was a series of pics of him and his kids at Disneyland. He's such a family guy and a great dad to his kids. Those kids are going to grow up in a very loving household. I am jealous of his wife.
Manuel's case is pretty unique and it is the exception rather than the rule in "inter-orientation intimacy." For many years I have been involved with two straight guys from my old neighborhood. One caught me off guard and actually kissed me (the only straight guy to do this with me, I will explain about that later on another post). One was into extreme fetishism. But they were both going out with women and having lots of pussy. One of them got married and is now working for a bakery and is raising one kid, the other one is currently going steady with a girl but he really does not want any compromises. Though I thought that he might be gay and that all this pussy pounding is just for him to cover it up; I was wrong. He is not gay, but rather sexist and misogynistic. He's a sports guy. He loves screwing girls but that's about it. Both did have anal with me as well, but we mostly did oral.
At work I had various straight encounters. From co-workers to customers. I would estimate that at least 75 straight dudes have been to the realm of ecstasy with me. Things got heated and a bit out of control when I became a manager at a restaurant. But was able to handle it. Work is also another subject I will be discussing later. And once had a "three-way" with a straight couple. Since these stories are going to be used as examples for various topics on this subject I will save them for later. I don't want this post to be too long.
I've dated and had relationships with five gay/bi guys who gave me all wonderful memories, but since this blog is about straight guys those stories will only be dealt with when necessary for a topic or an issue.
Currently I'm not in a relationship with a gay/bi guy, but instead have had continued sexual encounters with two straight guys in my new home here in Arizona. So I will also be talking about these current experiences as well as new ones.
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